You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
