when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
