Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
