Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
