All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
