Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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