i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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