I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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