We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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