I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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