I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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