I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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