I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
