mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
