Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
