I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
