Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
