oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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