If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
