i can't believe i had my finger in that
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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