i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
