Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
