The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I CAN MOONWALK!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
