highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
