i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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