Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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