I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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