Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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