were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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