I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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