is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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