Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
