I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
