So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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