I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
