Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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