I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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