I am in a vortex of obligation.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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