i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
