i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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