I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
