We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
God, you're like boner-b-gone
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
