Cold hands, warm shart.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
