my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
