it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
