You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
