we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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