if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
