You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
