I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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